My Angel
by Queen of Shadows
Summary: This is a stand-alone fic. It's about how Padmé deals with Anakins absence during the Clone Wars. This is set just a few months after AOTC and Padmé is not pregnant yet. Please R&R.


I was out on my apartment balcony on Courascant looking at all of the speeders fly by. Whenever one would fly close enough to me my thick, brown hair would sway in a brush of wind and sometimes my pale blue dress would move as well. I was leaning against a railing, thinking about my husband, Anakin. He was now a new Jedi Knight and had his own group of storm troopers to lead. How I missed him so much. It was bad enough that we had to hide our marriage, but on top of that he was always gone. Always away on a mission from the Jedi Council. That's what I get for falling in love with my protector. I smiled to myself thinking back to one night when he was meant to be protecting me.

We were back on my home planet of Naboo and we were at a private retreat in the Lake Country. We were sitting in front of the fire place and he told me how he had thought of me, and loved me, ever since he met me. I can remember that time like it was yesterday...From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the harder it gets. The thought of not being with you. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating hoping that that kiss will not become a scar...The day he told me that was the first day when I actually thought of him as more then just "that little boy I knew on Tatooine." He was a grown up, responsible man...Jedi now. And I loved him.

That night I told him that nothing could happen but that didn't change either of our feelings. Of course, not much later I told him the truth and even sooner after that we were married. Everything was so rushed but we both wanted it. Despite the fact that we have to hide our marriage, we were still able to sneak in some private, pleasure time. Just the thought of when I fell in love with him, and us being together, married, made me miss him even more.

I continued thinking of my beloved Anakin until I was interrupted by Chancellor Palpatine. He touched my shoulder gently and I turned around to see him.

"My lady, are you alright? You seem upset," he asked, with a look of worry on his face.

"I'm fine. Just thinking," I responded with a smile, trying to make my words believable.

"May I ask about what?"

"Chancellor, I am a Senator during a war. What do you think I am thinking about?" 

Palpatine nodded, understanding, for he was also a politician. We were both thinking about the Jedi and the War, however we were thinking about them in completely different ways.

"Of course."

He glanced my way, furrowing his eyebrows at me.

"You look tired, have you not been sleeping well?" 

"No, actually I haven't. I've been worrying and thinking about this war. The Jedi mostly. So many of them are dying, it's terribly tragic"

"Yes, it is, my lady. Well I hope you rest well tonight. I must be going. Actually, I was only here to make sure you were doing alright."

"Of course. Good-bye Chancellor."

I smiled warmly in farewell. Palpatine half bowed, half nodded to me as if I was still his queen.

"Good-bye, my Lady."

With that, Chancellor Palpatine left the balcony, and then my apartment altogether.

I looked back out and saw that it was dark already. I sighed, not realising how much time had actually passed while I was thinking about Anakin, and then talking with the Chancellor. I walked into my apartment and saw Dorme watching me. 

"I'll be in my bedroom. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight," I said to her, and I smiled. Dormé wasn't only my handmaiden, but also my friend. She still didn't know that I was married to Anakin, nor did anyone else, but she knew that I had a close relationship with him.

"As you wish, my Lady. Good night"

I walked into my bedroom and closed my door. I took off the pale blue dress I had been wearing and pulled over my head a knee length, spaghetti strap cream colored night gown made of silk. I brushed out my hair and let it hang down my shoulders and back. I looked to a box that I had near my bed and walked over to it. I picked it up gently and opened it. I smiled seeing the piece of Japor that hung from a worn thread. I pulled it up out of the box ever so carefully, as if it were crystal, and I tied it around my neck. I looked over to a mirror and smiled at my reflection, seeing the piece of Japor hanging there. It was a gift from Anakin when we first met. He said it was so I could remember him.

I sighed deeply and lay down on my bed. Covering myself with blankets, I let the warmth flow over my body. I rolled over, and seeing the empty half of the bed I moved my hand to the Japor hanging from my neck. I gripped it tight as if it were Anakin himself and a single tear fell from my eye. I wiped the tear from my face. The Japor made me think of Anakin, and it only made me miss him more.

I thought about the moment I first met him. I walked into Watto's shop when Anakin had still been a slave boy on Tatooine, and I saw him. He was ten years old, 4 years younger then I. He turned, his gaze following me as I walked. After a moment he asked me...Are you an Angel? They're the most beautiful creatures in the entire galaxy...

Once that memory faded in my head, another one came to me. It was when we first saw each other again after ten years; it actually took place in this very apartment. I hadn't even recognised him at first, but then I did. I told him how much he had grown, which he had. He grew up into a handsome, strong, powerful Jedi. When I told him that, he said...So have you. Grown more beautiful, I mean...

I pulled the blankets off of me and put on a dark purple robe, wrapping it around my body, for I was extremely cold. I walked over to a chair in my bedroom and leant on it, crossed my arms over my chest, and thought of more times between me and Anakin. I smiled, thinking of the time when I first told him that I loved him. Of course, we were about to be executed but I still smiled, thinking of that moment...I truly, deeply love you. And before we die I want you to know... I thought of our wedding too. How he smiled at me after we kissed and how that smile meant so much. It didn't matter how many times you said you loved someone, it wasn't true, until you gave someone a look like he gave me that day. It was filled with so much meaning and it told me he really did love me with all of his heart.

Thinking about that, another tear rolled down my cheek. I hated not having Anakin here. I hated that I couldn't say it. I couldn't say that I missed my husband because to everyone else, I was unmarried. I shook my head and uncrossed my arms so my hands were free to move. Grabbing a piece of parchment and a pencil, I sighed. I wanted to write to Anakin and simply tell him how much I missed him and loved him, but it seemed whenever I might write to him I held back. I never said everything because I always worried about someone else reading it and finding out.

I didn't want to be afraid of someone knowing my feelings for him. I didn't even want to keep our marriage a secret, but Anakin did. I remember asking him one time if we could just tell everyone, because I was so sick of hiding it, but he got mad. The next day he explained his reasons and we made up. The only good part about a fight is making up.

I shook my head and got that argument out of my mind. I picked up the pencil and started to write my letter, knowing logically that he would never see it, but feling better just being able to put feelings into words and on paper. 

Dear Anakin,  
It's strange to think that I haven't seen you for over a month. And that I haven't written you or received a letter from you in a week. I have done nothing but think about you and this horrible war. The terrible thing that has kept you from me for so long, the thing that is making me constantly worry is that I may never again look upon your face. The face of my husband and love of my life. I have been thinking about you so often that I can barley sleep. Chancellor Palpatine has even come to check on me, noticing that I have been thinking about the war an awful lot. My excuse has always been that I'm thinking of the war, but he has no clue that I am thinking mostly of you.

I have been thinking of my memories of you, and wondering what it will be like when you finally return to me. Any moment I can, I am wearing the Japor piece you gave me, but it is an extremely poor substitute of the warmth of your flesh. I know that there is nothing I can possibly do to make you return to me any sooner, but still I wish every night that you will return to me soon and safe. I don't think that my heart could bear it if you were killed. The Council tells me that you won't be returning any time soon, so I shouldn't be waiting for you, at least not yet. That I should try and relax, get my mind off of the war, and get a good night's sleep.

I'm going to be visiting to my home. Perhaps my family will be able to keep my mind off of the absence of you, or at least partially, for nothing in the entire galaxy would completely erase you from my mind. I will be leaving after the Senate meeting tomorrow and stay there for a week. I only wish that you were here to be with me. That you were here to lie with me in bed and let your presence relax me, so I could sleep wondrously. Whenever you are with me, I sleep like a baby. It could just be your presence, but then again you do always have other ways of making me sleep well.

Anakin you can have no idea how much I am missing you, nor how much I think about you. It is night and day. I'm waiting for your return. Waiting for you to take me into your arms and for me to be able to embrace the warmth of you. I lay in my bed thinking about running my hands through your blond hair and looking up into your blue eyes. I think about us lying in my bed together with my head rested on your chest and us falling asleep together. Just thinking about it makes me smile. I only smile when I think about us being together again and us being able to enjoy the touch of each other, even if we must do it in secret. I will smile much more when I see you again but until then I must go. I'm awaiting your arrival and your next letter. I love you.

Love Always,   
Your Angel Padmé Amidala Skywalker

After writing the letter I folded the piece of parchment in half and put it in an envelope. I wished I could send the letter in the morning, or to be more specific, I wished I could have Dormé send the letter in the morning, but too many years of training, of politics, made me realize it would sit unread until I could hand it to Anakin myself. I put it down on the desk and sighed softly , hoping that writing the letter to him would help me sleep better. I stood up from the chair and walked back over to my bed lying back down in it, not taking the robe off. I once again pulled the blankets over me and allowed them to chase the coolness from my body and let the warmth in. I closed my eyes and tried to let sleep wash over me but it didn't. I lay there thinking about Anakin, wishing he was there.

As I tried to fall asleep another memory invaded my mind. It was the night after our wedding and we were still on Naboo at the Lake Country. He used what he called "A tatooine tradition" and carried me into the master bedroom. He gradually set me down on the bed and started to un-button my dress...I love you, Padmé... he said sweetly into my ear...I love you too, Anakin...was my response. He grinned down at my now revealed body and then said very seductivly into my ear, Now lets take full advantage of being married ...That memory stayed in my head for some time but it finally left and I was sad once again; lying still and alone in my bed.

It took me almost 2 hours, but I finally drifted to sleep. But in the middle of the night, I woke again to the sound of R2-D2 chirping hysterically at something. I was at a loss as to what it was. I hushed R2 to be quiet and looked around. It was too dark for me to see much, until I noticed a shape that could have been a person. Being very quiet and not taking my eyes off of the shape I moved my hand to a drawer by my bed and pulled out a Royal Pistol that I kept there. I pointed the blaster silently at the figure.

The figure must have seen me take out the pistol and point it at them, ready to fire, for they suddenly said something, something that made me smile.

"Hello Angel."

I knew at that that it was Anakin and I jumped out of the bed, the silk night gown flowing over my thighs and the robe trailing down the rest of my body. I turned on the light near my bed and I ran over to him and pulled him into a hug. I smiled, my eyes swelling with tears, happy ones. So happy that he was here with me. He pulled away from the hug and smiled down at me as a tear fell from my eye and down my cheek. He wiped the tear away looked into my eyes.

"I missed you Padmé"

He put his hand on my chin and tilted my head upwards as I stretched up to him on my toes. He laid his soft lips on my own in a gentle kiss. As we pulled away from it my feet lowered back to the floor.

Gazing up at the man of my heart I smiled. I closed the very small space there was between us and pulled lightly on the robe Anakin was wearing.

"Off," I whispered, wanting his robe off and for him to be wearing as little as possible. I wanted to embrace his presence so much while I could that I wasn't going to waste a minute.

Anakin smiled knowing what I wanted and what I was thinking. He wanted it too, I could tell by the look on his face. He threw his robe off and took off his belt, boots, and shirt leaving him only in his pants. I smiled, liking what I saw even though I had seen it many times before. I took off my robe, leaving me in my revealing night gown and I smiled seductively yet still teasingly to Anakin.

"You're an extremely tempting thing Senator," Anakin said as he smiled to me, liking what he saw of me too.

"And I'm all yours," I whispered to him.

With that he smiled and chuckled softly. He picked me up in his arms and walked us over to the bed. He lay me down gently and kissed me once again. This time the kiss wasn't so short - it was very pleasurable and passionate. The kiss was followed by more pleasurable things, which Anakin was great at. It was almost sun rise by the time we finally settled down to go to sleep. I was happy the Senate meeting I had to attend wasn't until that evening. 

I was finally able to sleep again. With Anakin with me I'm always able to sleep wondrously. I fell soundly asleep with my head resting on Anakin's hard chest. The very instant before I fell into a deep sleep I felt Anakin lightly kiss the top of my head and whisper, "Good Night my Angel."


End file.
